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دوشنبه, 14 دی 1394 16:08

امر و نهی کردن به بچه ها را بیاموزیم

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سوال: براي برخورد با دختر بچه 7 ساله مي گويند كه خيلي امر و نهي نكنيم. پس وقتي پشت سر هم كارهاي خطرناك انجام مي دهد يا اذيت مي كند چگونه بايد با او برخورد نمود ؟ جواب: درباره سوال شما بايد بگويم انسان در تربيت فرزند خود گاهي مجبور مي شود تا از امر و نهي استفاده كند، كه اين امر به تنهايي ناپسند نيست، آنچه اين كار را از لحاظ تربيتي مردود مي كند به كار گيري بيش از حد امر و نهي در تربيت است.

تجربه نشان مي دهد امر و نهي بيش از حد كودك باعث شكل گيري لجاجت در كودك مي شود. امير المومنين عليه السلام در اين باره مي فرمايند: الافراط في الملامة تشب نيران اللجاج زياد روي در سرزنش آتش لجبازي را شعله ور مي كند. (بحار النوار ج74 ص 231) (اشاره به اين دارد كه نهي نا صحيح، مخاطب را حريص و كنجكاو مي كند و با تشديد ناصحيح نهي، نه تنها مخاطب گوش نمي دهد، بلكه به دنده لج مي افتد). براي رفع اين مشكل لازم است از اين به بعد از امر و نهي فرزندتان به صورت مستقيم خودداري كنيد و برنامه تربيتي خود را به صورت غير مستقيم اجرا كنيد، براي اين كار : - وظايفي كه او بايد انجام دهد را به صورت بازي در آوريد مثلا : چقدر طول مي كشه مشق‌هاتو بنويسي؟ فكر مي كني تو زودتر مي توني مشق‌هاتو بنويسي يا خواهر درسش را حفظ كنه ؟ - از جنگ قدرت با كودك خود بپرهيزيد . - از داستان براي انتقال مفاهيم مورد نظر خود استفاده كنيد. كودك زبان داستان را بيش از هر چيز ديگري درك مي كند. موضوعات مورد نظر خود را انتخاب كنيد و براي آن داستاني جذاب بسازيد و آن را براي فرزندتان تعريف كنيد. به عنوان مثال تحقيقات نشان مي دهد كودكاني كه به آنان داستان هايي گفته شده است كه در آن قهرمان داستان از غذاهاي مقوي استفاده مي كند، نسبت به خوردن اين نوع غذاها علاقه بيشتري نشان مي دهد. در ضمن مي توانيد كتاب هاي داستاني كه به نظرتان مناسب مي آيد را انتخاب كنيد و براي او بخوانيد. - رفتار هاي نادرست او را ياد آوري نكنيد. - از داد و فرياد استفاده نكنيد . - در برنامه تربيتي خود از تغافل استفاده كنيد. يعني برخي از رفتارهاي نادرست او را ناديده بگيريد و به جاي اينكه به صورت مستقيم به او تذكر دهيد، رفتار منفي او را مد نظر بگيريد و براي رفع آن برنامه ريزي كنيد. - از ابزار شعر براي شكل گيري رفتار در كودك خود استفاده كنيد. به عنوان مثال براي اينكه فرزند خود را نسبت به مسواك زدن علاقه مند كنيد از كتاب هاپي و درد دندون(پديدآورنده: فريبا صدقي پور (تصويرگر)، حميده شكري زاده (شاعر) ناشر: آميس) استفاده كنيد. در اين داستان هاپي به دليل خوردن زياد شيريني دندان درد مي گيرد. - به رفتار پسنديده اي كه در مقابل رفتار ناپسند است پاداش دهيد ؛ براي مثال اگر كودكان شما هنگام بازي با هم دعوا مي كنند شما براي از بين بردن اين بدرفتاري آنها مي توانيد به اين صورت عمل كنيد : ابتدا مدت زماني محدود مثل 20 دقيقه را مشخص كرده، به روشني براي آنها بيان كنيد كه اگر در اين مدت با هم دوستانه و بدون دعوا بازي كنند پاداش مورد علاقه آنها را به ايشان خواهيد داد. - دربسياري ازمواقع مي توان ازطريق اصلاح محيط به جاي به كاربردن زور و قدرت، رفتار ناپسند كودك راتغيير داد؛ براي مثال ،اگركودك شما برگ هاي گلدان را مي كند، باجابجا كردن گلدان و قرار دادن آن درجايي كه كودكتان نتواند به آن دست زند، محيط راتغيير داده و مانع بروز آن رفتار شويد. همچنين ميتوانيد ، بافراهم كردن وسايل بازي مناسب و معرفي فعاليت هاي جديد به كودك، محيط راغني كرده و مانع انجام رفتار نامناسب ،از ناحيه كودك شويد .گاهي اوقات نيز،بايد محيط راازاشياء و مواد محرك، خالي كرد؛ براي مثال وقتي كودك قبل ازخواب پرجنب و جوش و پرتحرك هست والدين عاقل مي دانند كه بايد محيط را از هرگونه محركي كه حواس كودك را به خود جلب مي كند، خالي كنند . بااستفاده ازاين روش مي توان،بسياري ازرفتارهاي ناپسند كودكان راكنترل كرد و مانع بروز آنها شد . - روش جايگزيني؛ دراين روش، ما رفتاري مطلوب راجايگزين رفتار نامطلوب مي كنيم. جايگزيني به كودك نشان مي دهد كه چگونه همان رفتار رابه صورت مورد قبولي انجام دهد ؛اگركودك، درحال كندن صفحه مجله اي است كه شما آن را لازم داريد، مجله باطله اي دراختيارش بگذاريد. اگر كودك شما، با شيئي خطرناك بازي مي كند شما مي توانيد با يك اسباب بازي يا چيزي كه او دوست دارد، آن شيء خطرناك را از او بگيريد، بدون آن كه، به زور متوسل شده و يا او راتنبيه كنيد . - علل رفتار نادرست او را شناسايي كنيد و در صدد بر طرف كردن آن بر آئيد.(به جاي برخورد با معلول، علت را ريشه كن كنيد). در اينجا لازم مي دانم با ذكر مواردي ديگر جواب خود را تكميل كنم : 1. هيچ گاه از تنبيه براي تربيت فرزند خود استفاده نكنيد. 2. توقعات خود را بر اساس توانايي هاي كودك تنظيم كنيد. براي اين كار لازم است ويژگي هاي رواني كودك را به طور كامل شناسايي كنيد. مطالعه كتاب هايي كه در زمينه روان شناسي رشد نگاشته شده است در اين مورد بسيار مفيد است. 3. ارتباط عاطفي خود را با او بيشتر كنيد. به طور حتم زماني مي توانيد به اهداف تربيتي خود در مورد فرزندتان برسيد كه رابطه عاطفي مثبتي با او داشته باشيد. پس تمام همت خود را براي داشتن رابطه عاطفي با او بكارگيريد. به ياد داشته باشيد زماني كه كودكان از لحاظ رواني احساس امنيت كنند كمتر رفتارهاي نادرست از آنان بروز مي كند. 4. زماني كه از دست فرزند خود عصباني هستيد و بر خود تسلط نداريد به هيچ عنوان در صدد تربيت او بر نياييد؛ چراكه زماني كه انسان عصباني مي باشد غالبا از تصميم گيري عاقلانه ناتوان است و همين امر به تربيت فرزند شما آسيب فراوان مي رساند. 5. براي اينكه در برنامه تربيتي خود موفق باشيد، لازم است با همسر خود به صورت هماهنگ عمل كنيد، چراكه عدم هماهنگي افرادي كه در تربيت كودك نقش دارند تاثيرات بسيار منفي در تربيت كودك دارد. براي اين كار لازم است همسر خود را در جريان برنامه تربيتي خود قرار دهيد و از او بخواهيد كه از شيوه اي هماهنگ استفاده كنند. 6.با توجه به سن كودك خود، در تربيت او از كلمه «نه» خيلي كم استفاده شود، اما زماني كه آن را به كار مي بريد قاطعانه عمل كنيد و در برابر اصرارهاي كودك خود تسليم نشويد. 7. تجربه نشان مي دهد در برخي مواقع كودك به دليل جلب توجه والدين دست به رفتارهاي ناپسند مي زند، از اين رو لازم است زمان مشخصي را در طول روز به او اختصاص دهيد و با او بازي كنيد. شركت و همكاري همسر شما در اين زمينه نقش تعيين كننده دارد. 8. در طول هفته چندين بار فرزند خود را به پارك ببريد تا انرژي رواني او تخليه شود. 9. يكي از مسائلي كه در ايجاد روابط سازنده والدين با كودكان تاثير زيادي دارد، احترام گذاشتن به شخصيت مستقل كودك است. برخوردها با كودك بايد عاقلانه باشد و هيچ گاه نبايد احساسات او را به بازيچه گرفت. چنين موضعي در ايجاد احساس آرامش در كودك بسيار مهم است. يكي از شيوه هاي به رسميت شناختن شخصيت كودك، دادن مسئوليت هاي مختلف ولو كوچك به آنان مي باشد. كودكان در انجام مسئوليت، خود راه و روش بزرگ منشي را در پيش مي گيرند و تا حدود زيادي به افرادي آرام و داراي صبر و حوصله تبديل مي شوند. در پايان ذكر اين نكته ضروري است زماني كه كودك كار خطرناكي انجام مي دهد كه جان خود و يا اطرافيان خود را تهديد مي كند، والدين بايد بدون فوت زمان مداخله كنند و در اينجا ديگر روش هاي غير مستقيم تربيتي نمي تواند مفيد باشد.

خواندن 265724 دفعه آخرین ویرایش در یکشنبه, 02 اسفند 1394 08:35

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